Emotions

Once I was told that there were 2 main groups of emotions - positive and negative. I was taught that we ought to regulate our emotions, to keep them in check, to reign in the negative and let the positive shine. For a long time, this worked pretty well. I had friends. There were people who liked me and even looked up to me. Once in a while I still got angry, but these momentary outbursts were excusable. I forgave myself for full self-control wasn't humanly possible. My emotions ranged from a little happy to a little angry. A little sad or emo as they used to call it back in the day.

Then, a new concept was modeled for me - there is no such thing as a good or a bad emotion and, they all serve a purpose. I was encouraged to express myself more, and to let loose a little. My emotional range widened. I learned to be a lot more happy, a lot more appreciative. Somehow, I wasn't a lot more angry nor a lot more sad. I have become a lot more sensitive to the misfortunes of others, but I still have lots to learn in being able to express it. I was motivated.

Now however, I have begun to see a pattern. A harbinger of sorts often consists of a sudden outburst of illogical sadness, anger or both. Increasingly I'm learning that the best way to deal with this herald, is through quiet calm and unquestioning submission. On occasion however, due to a lack of preparation, anticipation or just sheer fatigue, I end up reacting rather than responding. The resultant clash is often ugly and before I know it, things have spiraled out of control.

Emotions. I was never an expert at them, am not an expert, and will never be an expert.